LECTORAAT CHANGE MANAGEMENT – De Haagse Hogeschool

In the last couple of months, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by two more Dutch magazines: Libelle and Filosofie Magazine about gossip. Nice to see that this topic continues to be of interest!

The Libelle article, ‘Ik wil niet Roddelen, maar… We doen het toch! Gelukkig maar,’ describes the positive aspects of a good gossip session (despite its bad reputation). Journalist Maartje Fleur explains: “There is nothing wrong with a bit of gossip every now and then. As long as we keep it light and no one gets hurt, we’ll even benefit from it.” The article describes some typical scenarios:

A friend is coming over, and you’ve prepared: tea, a tasty treat, and a bit of news about your mutual friend Margriet, who’s getting a divorce. At the kitchen table, you both first shake your heads over how badly Margriet is doing — she hasn’t slept properly for weeks, and her daughter’s high school grades have dropped. And where is Margriet going to live? There’s no way she can pay the mortgage on the villa by herself.

You talk at length about the housing market, and then you share your bit of news:
“He told Margriet there’s no one else, but I saw him at the tennis club this week with another woman. And they looked very cozy together if you know what I mean.”

“I knew it!” your friend exclaims. 

An afternoon chatting about others is a delightful way to spend your time. While gossiping, the body releases endorphins — a substance that creates a feeling of happiness. That’s why there are very few people who don’t regularly talk about others. Yet, no one wants to be called a gossip. Such a person is seen as untrustworthy, someone who spreads all kinds of nasty lies about others.

Scientists have a different view of gossip, says Dominique Darmon. She is a lecturer and researcher at The Hague University of Applied Sciences and wrote the book Roddel je naar de top [Have I Got Dirt for You]. “Gossiping isn’t bad or immoral; it’s part of human nature. The difference between humans and animals is that we can talk about each other — and that’s what has made us such a successful species. How else would you find out who’s in conflict with whom, who’s willing to help, and who you can trust?

Full article in Dutch.

The article in Filosofie Magazine ‘Waarom is Roddelen Taboe?’ asks why gossiping remains such a taboo, although it fulfills many important functions. An excerpt of my interview with Anne-Sophie van Berkestijn:

Talking about someone when he or she is not present has a bad reputation because we sometimes do it with the wrong intentions. For example, talking about a colleague who is often late, may secretly serve to cover up your own insecurities about your work performance and make yourself feel better. A gossiper who has impure motives may be plagued by a nagging sense of guilt, and the subject of the gossip may feel slandered or wronged. Because of associations with sin, betrayal, and character assassination, we tend to believe that gossiping is bad.

But in reality, gossip serves an important social function: it helps to reveal and reinforce cultural norms. A mother’s complaints about a rude neighbor, for example, teach children which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. Much like critical remarks about colleagues who arrive late at work. Gossip can also work as a means of building trust. When you warn someone about another person’s unreliability or share the same opinion about an event, you form an alliance. This is how friendships are built: by building trust and discovering shared values.

Full article in Dutch.

As both of these conversations illustrate, there is still quite some moral malaise about gossip. Yet, it is precisely that unease that deserves more scrutiny. While gossip can cause harm, it can also connect, teach, and protect. Treating gossip as morally suspect flattens this complexity and prevents us from understanding what is actually happening in everyday conversations.

By separating harmful gossip from the kind that brings insight or solidarity, we can finally talk about gossip without guilt, and maybe even appreciate it for what it is: one of the oldest, messiest, and most human ways of making sense of each other!